Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
Randomize
