Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
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