I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
Randomize
