There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
One girl and one boy is just not enough.
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
Randomize
