Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
Randomize
