apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
apparently the secret to your success is patron
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
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