Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
Randomize
