he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
Randomize
