Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
Randomize
