He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
Randomize
