I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
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