I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
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