Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize
