Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
Randomize
