It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
I know her cup size but not her name....
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