i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize
