OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
I'll bet she douches with gravy.
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
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