Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
Randomize
