can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
He can hate all he wants but were fucking with these crocs on
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
