Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
Randomize
