im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
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