I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
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