all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
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