What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
Oh god it's open bar.
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
im on a boat
How did you get this number?
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