I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
this will be a night to untag.
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
