she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
Randomize
