So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
Randomize
