Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
Randomize
