happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
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