fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
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