obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
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