Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
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