I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
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