WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
Randomize
