Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
They took my balls.
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
Randomize
