I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Randomize