Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
Randomize
