cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
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