Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
Randomize
