Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
Randomize
