please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
May the power of my ass compel you!!
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
Randomize
