i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
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