Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
and she was petting her beer can
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
The air taste purple.
Randomize
