I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
Randomize
