Thanks for last night it was amazing as always
What are you talking about
You've got to be kidding me
did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
Randomize