Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
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