she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
Randomize