I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
My boob is missing a layer of skin
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
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