I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
Randomize
