I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
it hurts more in the daytime
the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
Randomize