i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
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