whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
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