I think scott just propositioned me for sex
The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
Why are your pants in the freezer?
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
Randomize
