Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
Randomize
