Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
He kissed a someone with a penis
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
Randomize
