that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
When did angry sex become our thing?
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
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