Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
Randomize
