quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
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