My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
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