Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
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