I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
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