pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
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