do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
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