I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
Randomize
