plz talk dirty to me
my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
Randomize