I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Randomize