all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
Randomize
