We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
Randomize
