your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
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