I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
Randomize
