foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
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