Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
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