You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
If its not for food we ain't going out.
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