Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
Randomize
