I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
Randomize
