Taylor Swift is so right about you.
I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
3pm strippers are depressing
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
Randomize
