Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
Randomize
