I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
Just cropdusted the office
onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
Randomize
