I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
Randomize