im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
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