where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
Randomize
