I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
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