Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
Randomize
