when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
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