can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize
