Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
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