do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
Randomize
