Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
with her its the mind over matter factor, i dont mind and she dont matter
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
