woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
Who did Billy Mays play for?
susan atkins died, charles manson's lady
dont cry, there are other serial killers to crush on.
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
Randomize
